We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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