My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
