Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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