I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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