You work out of a Hotel?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
