Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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