We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
