I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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