I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
