you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
