...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I deserve this hangover.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
