The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize