A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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