I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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