My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
