Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
