I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
