i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
