I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
