He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
