girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
