I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize