hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
