Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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