he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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