If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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