I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
