Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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