can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
