the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
