You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
