hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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