You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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