I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
