why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have grass duct taped all over my body
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
