FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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