sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
