Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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