After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
