He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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