thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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