If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize