3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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