I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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