Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
