He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't shave. On purpose
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
