yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
