I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
