My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
