You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
