This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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