Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.

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(989): View more from Michigan

We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.

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(904): View more from Florida

I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

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(302): View more from Delaware

didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

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(440): View more from Ohio

Hippo gnu deer

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.

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(925): View more from California

i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.

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(281): View more from Texas

I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

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