There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
