Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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