I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
