And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
