Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Randomize
