yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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