I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize