We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
