If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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