Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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