I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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