the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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