last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
