Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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