I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
