I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
