also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
