Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
