you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
