that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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