Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
