pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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