Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
