Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
