Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
