I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
