Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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