Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
