I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize