so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
