I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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