I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
