i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You've changed since you got that strap on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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