one might say we're banned from that church
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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