I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
