there's paper in my vomit.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
