dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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