yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize