Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
