i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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