if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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