You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
