I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
