i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
