she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
