some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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