if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
